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Gratitude. What a topic for a mommaheart to write about. Especially a mommaheart who didn’t always know she’d get to be a momma. I mean shouldn’t I be falling on my face daily thanking the Lord I actually get to do this momma thing…this deeply meaningful, most difficult job in the world thing? I find myself in an odd place sometimes. With those typical parenting woes. My sweet but fiercely independent and perfectionist 3.5 year old who resembles Stalin some days and then that freshly new 2 year old who has realized his innate ability to drive his authoritarian brother bonkers simply by stealing trains or messing up the “perfect” track. You find yourself in a state of sheer exhaustion and a general feeling of depletion most days. Who in a million years would have thought the newborn stage would be easier? This land of timeouts we find ourselves wading through is surely the most exhausting season of my years of parenting. But these were the days I wished with all my heart for. So I find myself mulling over this gratitude card all over again. Why don’t I feel more of it?

If I’m completely honest. I’d rather mope. Grumble and bemoan my annoying kiddos who don’t seem to value obedience in the same way their mom and dad do.

And Gratitude. Well it’s not always there until I make a purposeful effort to put it back in its place. In that center of my heart that says, “Lord I did not ask for all these difficulties, kiddo attitudes and I’m tired. Help me have that thankful heart that brings You glory.”

Gratitude. That place of existing that allows us to see what we have as enough. That helps us name some of the striving as dishonorable and reevaluate the blessings we’ve been given. The gratitude that plants us back in the present and helps us know a right heart attitude.

Oh but how often our hearts run from gratitude. And if I’m honest, it’s because I’m looking around and comparing my feeble strivings with others. I know I’m not the only momma out there that does that. It is our human nature. Our society. We compare daily to know our place…to know our kids are growing because their numbers are placed on charts. To know our kids are learning based on predetermined reading levels. To know we are succeeding when we meet goals a company has decided are valuable. But where does that leave you in the midst of raising humans? Where is the succeeding and how do you have gratitude in some of the life struggles…when you find your new eye liner has been used to poke holes in your expensive “natural” deodorant and then used to draw “art” on the bathroom wall. Where’s the gratitude in my heart then and how do you have gratitude when you aren’t sure you’re doing anything right?

This is a hard season mommahearts. Or those wishing they had mommahearts. Or those wishing for anything that they simply don’t get to have in this season. Gratitude. Sit with what it means to have a thankful heart. For any and every season but especially now as we gather around the Thanksgiving table. If we don’t think deeply about these things we miss the blessing in it all. We miss the transformative work gratitude can have on our lives. We miss the point entirely.

When I find myself tuckered out its usually because I’ve stopped thinking and started doing. Doing any ‘ole thing that changes my focus away from having gratitude. I just get busy.

Just now, I asked Cade to go away so I could keep writing. His dad was busy playing games with the family and I’ve stolen away to the random quiet spot that exists at the in-laws. A rare treat indeed. Except he found me. All that sneaky cuteness thunking in and beelining it to the piano. “Caedmon. I need some quiet bud so I can actually get stuff done.” And he says, “But I want to be near you.” And I hear myself say, “Why?” and he says, “I like trains and mommas.” Oh. Well there you have it.

“I like trains and mommas.” –Cade

So as it turns out, I think my pursuit of gratitude is really a reworking of how to recognize it. How to see it through the mess…the blessing in the interruptions. The non-quiet moments. The chaos. The time outs. The port-a-potty out the living room window. All the doing. My mom who is able to still make Thanksgiving dinner all by herself while battling breast cancer. And once again, for me it is a shift in how I name the good and choose to see the blessing. Perhaps we need to stop all the doing and just sit in the purposeful act of seeing. Look for it dear ones. Happy Thanksgiving to you all. May it be a day of seeing the blessings and feeling deep gratitude.

These beautiful pictures were taken by Melissa Robotti of Robotti and Rosa Photography. She has been taking pictures of our family since the boys were days old and specializes in the most lovely newborn photos. We have all these beautiful baby pictures lining our stairway in our entry and they mean the world to us. I can’t recommend her more highly. Your kiddos and family become beautiful art and that is a gift. If you’re in Boston, follow the link above!