HOME TOUR

This post has been pressed into my heart. It’s been months coming. I have edited and tweaked and processed my thoughts because I do not like the idea of responding to anything out of my emotions. I feel like I’m living in a pressure cooker.  I have the incredible honor to have a creative corner in this beautiful world and to be an “influencer” (though I dislike that title tremendously and didn’t seek it out). But this is far from who I am or the what I do and it can be easy to forget that.

I wear so many labels throughout my days. Ones like “momma” that I’m so proud of (best “job” ever) and other’s I wish I didn’t have. I’d rather sit on the couch and read all day to my three beautiful babies than do just about anything in the world. And that’s saying a lot because I really like my glue gun. But there’s this ache that has been growing in my soul as we navigate a world that feels like it is crumbling in on itself, louder and more aggressive than I have ever known it. There are expectations being demanded that can make one feel backed into a corner. So here is a manifesto of sorts. What is my heart and how does that affect what I do on social media and on this blog?

YOU ARE WELCOME HERE

You are welcome here (except in cases of abuse). I don’t care what nationality you are. I don’t care what race you are. I don’t care how hard your story has been or what a privileged one it may be. I don’t care. You have worth because you are human. Your breathing body and beating heart are so beautiful and worthwhile that I am in awe that you are here. Anyone or anything that makes you feel less beautiful or less worthwhile is something that grieves my heart, something I weep over, something I am actively working against in my “raising up” of children and something I am learning more and more about. This goes far beyond the evil of racism. There is a deep-seated superiority (and intolerance) that exists now and has through all time and in every culture and in all our hearts. When you feel superior to a people group, political party, religion or socio-economic class (just to name a few) you. are. in. the. wrong. If you are intolerant of the intolerant you are by definition intolerant. If you are judgmental towards the judgmental than you are judgmental.

I KNOW THAT I DO NOT KNOW

“We will have to repent in this generation not merely for the hateful words and actions of the bad people but for the appalling silence of the good people.” –Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. (Letter from a Birmingham Jail) Written April 16, 1963 and just as convicting now as it was then. Read the whole letter.

It doesn’t take Einstein to figure out that I am white, a woman and certainly privileged. Labels. And not always very helpful labels. There is a “whiteness” through which I operate because this is my culture.  It is what I grew up in and it colors everything I do on a deeper level than I had ever thought because frankly, prior to the events of 2020 I had never really thought about it as deeply as I should. Before you label me and stop reading, I realize that this is a luxury that hasn’t been afforded to all. I had read books on racism, listened to sermons, read articles and traveled extensively all over the world from Sri Lanka to the genocide-scared city of Kigali, Rwanda. From India to Russia to Egypt to Peru. And we (my husband and I) did this on purpose. Because we WANTED to experience culture, to understand our brothers and sisters who have different cultural backgrounds and stories than us and frankly, we understood years ago that this is a personal responsibility–the disadvantaging yourself or making yourself uncomfortable in order to more deeply understand and connect with another.

I have friends from many different cultural backgrounds who I love dearly. But in my “whiteness” I had never thought to even ask them about their experience living in the United States. Frankly, I thought the United States was a better place than it is. This was both the naive and hopeful part of my heart. And regardless as to which media outlet you swear allegiance, when you watch a black man be pressed to death by a white man and realize this evil still exists around you, that there ARE bad people–well, it makes you weep. And it should. If anyone is hurting, you come along side them and you weep with them. Period. It made me press into my children. Cade was born with bilateral Fibular Hemimelia. It has been far from the perfect square images you see neatly arranged on Instagram. The weight of feeling different than other families and “sticking out” has been a difficult one at times and we’ve had to address biases in regards to disability. And it doesn’t feel good. It feels like people should just know not to say the things they do or assume the things they do. Encountering racial inequality and horrific superiority in our nation and our own hearts has made me hurt because this seems like something we should just all know is wrong. We’ve been operating in a individualistic society for so long now, do we even know how to care about others? It certainly isn’t through violence and yelling at one another or immediately slapping a label on them. We all need to care about racial evil in our country and the biases in our own hearts because they affect other people and other people have infinite worth. I know that I do not know which is why I NEED you and it isn’t that I need you to educate me, it’s that I need relationship with you, and you with me, to understand the blindspots that exist in our life story. And if you don’t believe me, do you personally know or have ever asked someone with a disability what it is like to exist in this world? My six year old would have some beautiful things to tell you that could change your outlook and perspective entirely on disability. How do you muster the courage to ask hard questions? Through relationship.

Hope, Race and Power by Tim Keller

YOU ARE MY FRIEND

I see every single person that follows Finding Lovely as a friend and I do this on purpose. Seeing you as a friend rather than naming you a “follower” makes all the difference. We are in this together, side-by-side. And though always hard, we can take criticisms better from our friends. We can listen better to our friends. We can bear with one another longer when we are friends. We learn from our friends. Now clearly there is no way to be physical friends with everyone, but when we start from a position of seeing another person as a friend, it can make all the difference in the world. See this blog post where my little boy in bilateral prosthetics changed my heart. Follow along if you’d like, the choice is always yours. It is no friendship at all when it is forced. But know that friendship is always a two way street. We both have rights. If I am hurt by you, the friendship is hurt and we may need to part ways. I understand my value and allow no room for abuse in any form to myself or other “friends” within the platform.

Now there are friends who want me to address every event in our nation and there are friends who don’t. Truly a “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” situation which has made me both angry and exasperated, oddly honored (that anyone would even care what I think) and weighed down under the significant pressure of a public calling. But all of this–how I am expected to think and act, is happening in the public sphere and based solely on other’s assumptions, convictions and deep-seated personal truths. When you get angry at me for not being who YOU want me to be (while probably wearing the “you do you” or “follow your own truth” sweatshirt) you are assuming I 1) don’t care  2) believe the opposite of you and therefore am a villain, or 3) am out of touch, backwards or stupid. All of which place you in a position of power and superiority in your thinking. This is not friendship.

MY DESIRE IS FOR PEACEMAKING

I am a Christian. I believe in a loving, merciful, just God. I go to church. I read the Bible. I am protected by the Constitution to be able to do just that. I am not a crazy evangelical standing on a street corner yelling at you who aligns with only one political party. I am NOT a republican OR a democrat, not even registered as one or the other. I am a hypocrite. I am a sinner. I am far from having it all together. AND however unpopular that makes me, I am trying to live out my moral convictions in my personal life while not shoving it down yours. This kind of radical kindness, extended to me, a sinner by a merciful Savior is behind every kind word I can possibly utter. It is a truth that permeates what I do. We can believe different things and still consider it a noble calling to try and be as kind as we can, as loving as we can and as gentle as we can, while skirting around the giant issue of absolute truth and what “good” actually is. That’s a deep dive for another day.

Yelling divisive personal beliefs through your words and comments on social media is never going to win anyone over or help them “see the light” of your own personal truth no matter how strong your conviction. I do not do it on purpose and it isn’t because I don’t have a backbone, strong convictions or care for the major issues of our day. I believe that the very people you are yelling at stop being able to hear you. They unfollow you and move on and then all you’ve got in your tiny corner of the social media world is a group of people that think and act exactly like you. Which frankly isn’t this the problem? The division. The unrest. The anxiousness gnawing at us all? And you pat yourself on the back and say “well I can sleep at night because I’ve got strong personal convictions and those who want to work with me will see that and value me” and you move on, dust the proverbial “dirt” off your hands and get back to your norm. I’m not comfortable with that because it reeks of superiority and feels a bit audacious to me.

Each of our stories is different and has led us to differing positions on the role of government, reproductive rights, gun control, immigration, consumerism, etc, etc. My desire for Finding Lovely to be a soft place to land for everyone is a very real calling. It exists in a place of humility because I KNOW I do not have all the answers. It exists in a place of personal conviction, confession and confrontation of the wrongs I contribute to with my biases. It exists in a place of yearning to learn from those who are different from me and to not segregate, subjugate or alienate.

YOUR STORY IS NOT INSIGNIFICANT

Jackie all you do is take pretty pictures of your privileged life. How is this valuable to a hurting world filled with racism, religious intolerance, genocides, sex trafficking, world-wide governmental corruptions, exploitations of socioeconomic classes, climate change, to name just a few? When I can take a picture and then speak truth and kindness into your soul–that you are worthy of love, you are a good mom, you are more than a label that someone tries to sum you up as, you are more than your worst day, and it makes you pass on even the smallest amount of generosity, gentleness, kindness or calmness, then that silly picture or blog post has worth and value. My own feeble attempts at making the world a little more lovely. Clearly done imperfectly because I am human. When I can show you something that has worked for me in my everyday ordinary and it makes your everyday ordinary world better, even if only infinitesimally so, then it is worthwhile.

WORDS MATTER

When social media visits take up such a small fraction of my busy day (usually the pick up line at school or evenings when I exhaustedly fall on the couch while trying to get the new puppy to not poop on the floor) and I get a comment saying something like “I’m disappointed in you” or “you should do x, y, z” or the superiority of “you need to be held accountable” I feel like crawling under the covers and never coming out, even when I try to see them coming from a friend. Some of the words and verbiage and LABELS used are far from friendly. And the “good” that I could have done diminishes, the learning that could have happened disappears, the voice I have quiets. If there was ever a time in our nation to understand the power of our words it is now. And we need to hold ourselves mightily accountable.

THERE IS ALWAYS TIME TO DO GOOD

I believe your story is not over. You were made for a time such as this. You were made to raise up kids for such a time as this. You were made for good works–works that change the world. Every time you put someone else above yourself, let someone in in traffic, take a stand against injustice, weep with those who weep, shred the cardboard box and walk it out to the compost pile in 18 degree weather, shop small, give to an organization that makes a difference, speak truth into your kids, choose to stop and think and challenge the words before you speak or write them, YOU are changing the course of the world, not just our hurting nation.  You can do it. You can be the kind voice an anxious person needs to hear in this tumultuous sea of political chaos and soul unrest. You can choose to be a peacemaker. To sow not seeds of discord by trying to label every person you come in contact with but seeds of gentleness. You can choose humility rather than superiority. In the United States, the first amendment guarantees you the right to speak how you want to speak, it shouldn’t be censored whether others agree or not. You absolutely have the right to throw divisive rhetoric around that alienates, segregates and seeks to reduce others so you can maintain some power or position. But should you? There is always time to do good.

When I sit back and honestly think hard about why I am even here, with a blog and an Instagram account I can name some of the “whys”. For the creativity, for the community, for the learning, for the camaraderie in motherhood, design and living. But this would be missing the whole point. It started with an exhausted momma bouncing a colicky baby on a yoga ball realizing her insignificance and aching for some way to do something good however small it may be, some way to connect with people who were both the same and different. For a way to name the lovely even in the hard things like infertility, birth defects, doctor’s visits, marriage woes, loneliness, colicky babies, homesickness, anxiety, and feelings of worthlessness. A question posed to my heart, can I find the lovely when I don’t feel it or see it? Can I find joy when circumstances suck? That was the point. This is still the point. I am not trying to win a popularity contest. Clearly. I get that I am very different than the norm. I have swam upstream against cultural currents my entire life. But there is something innately lovely about that swimming. It is refining, and freeing and entirely worth it even if you are doing it all alone. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for being a friend. Go into your days viewing that person as a friend and see how it changes the course of the world.

(Beautiful pictures by Ruth Eileen Photography)